Rena's Reflections

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[2009/04/25 17:20]( Read more... )
    

Rena sat curled in the huge chair by the window, fingers wrapped around a steaming mug staring out across the Midian skyline. Tea, she didn't usually drink it, but people said it was soothing. Somehow, the red haze that hung over the city was soothing as well. Familiar. Home. She turned attention drawn by a small sound from the sleeping form on the bed. She watched him until he calmed, breathing returning to that slow steady rhythm. Was he having nightmares too? She couldn't help wondering.

Slowly she slid out of the chair and onto the floor. On her knees, she bent over the small table and the book lying there. She'd recovered it the night before, from the bottom of a chest in her room. Fingers traced the gold lettering on the cover. It had been given to her as a girl, by someone who was well meaning, but hadn't had the guts to really help her. She'd read it, knew the pages and the text intimately, but she'd never found anything of herself in there. But now...now a memory tugged at her. Changed. She opened it slowly and began skimming, first one letter and then the next. She poured over it as he slept, searching for that small bit of text that was tugging at her memory. When she finally found it, she felt as if the air had suddenly been sucked out of the room.

Behold, I tell you a mystery. We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we will be changed.

She remembered the trumpeting sound of Laz's cry. "HUMANS FIRST" and the blood. The screaming that filled her ears as they died around her. Her own agony as Masha's blood splattered her. Smoke, then suddenly the voices of the dead, coming back to life. She knew now what had happened, but all she knew in that moment was that the dead were rising around her.

Changed. All of them changed ...some so subtly others might not even notice, with others it was glaringly obvious to anyone who saw them. She knew she'd been changed in ways she couldn't comprehend yet.

Death has been swallowed up in victory. 

She closed the book and reached for the mug and crawled back into the chair, curling in a tight ball. The tea was cold now, but she drank anyway, watching the sky turn from blood red to a warmer crimson as the sun rose. She never thought she's miss that sky, but she had.

www.youtube.com/watch

Rena sat silently on the empty rooftop, looking out over the city. She could see movement here and there and occasionally voices drifted up to her, but they were too faint for her to make out what was being said.

He was gone and it was over. They'd finally admitted, to themselves and each other that they were trying to hold on to something that wasn't there anymore. Circumstance had torn them apart and time had changed them both too much. There was no going back now, and if they tried to stay together they risked destroying the one thing they did have left, their friendship. So they'd parted as friends.

She decided then and there, on that silent rooftop that overlook a city alive and buzzing below her...she couldn't look to the past any longer. She had to look forward and figure out who she was and what she wanted. The problem was...she wanted it all. A wicked grin curved her mouth and she rose, leaping down into god knows what...

Whispering
Hear the ghosts in the moonlight
Sorrow doing a new dance
Through their bone, through their skin

Listening
To the souls in the fool's night
Fumbling mutely with their rude hands
And there's heartache without end

See the father bent in grief
The mother dressed in mourning
Sister crumbles, and the neighbors grumble
The preacher issues warnings

History
Little miss didn't do right
Went and ruined all the true plans
Such a shame. Such a sin.

Mystery
Home alone on a school night
Harvest moon over the blue land
Summer longing on the wind

Had a sweetheart on his knees
So faithful and adoring
And he touched me. And I let him love me.
So let that be my story

Listening
For the hope, for the new life
Something beautiful, a new chance
Hear its whispering
There again

Rena stared at the crumpled note, unfolding it like it might catch fire...

There were lyrics, written in a frenzied handwriting and an address for a website on the Grid, Midian's equivalent of the Internet from years ago.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfSu_TGqn3g

Later, when she was alone, she flipped on the laptop in the HQ and looked it up.

The address on the Grid turns out to be a rapidly failing repository that houses hundreds of thousands of old A/V clips. After getting several failure errors, the link above will play this specified A/V clip on the viewing screen in a continuous loop. The recording itself has maintained most of its integrity, though on the guitar solo's the distortion is a bit more extreme, due to fade. The video remains shot in black and white, though in sections there are jigsaw creases that flicker down the length, probably because someone a generation or two ago had digitized this video of its original format.

---

Beat's so lonely
I bet it's lonely at the top
She hesitates
But the beat will never stop

Wanting him only
But the people never see
Her heart burning
That's the secret that she keeps

Come on baby
You know there's something missing
Don't find nothing
No more coincidences

Pretty baby
Look in his eyes and you will see
Things will happen
But only if they're meant too...

Beat's so lonely
I bet it's lonely at the top
So lonely at the top
So lonely

She said
Beat's so lonely
If you let it be that way
She can't tell the difference anyway

She thinks hold me
But she's scared to say
She paid dearly
for the answers of her days

Answers of her...

Answers of her days...

Answers of her...

So lonely
So lonely
So lonely
So lonely

So lonely
So lonely
So lonely
So lonely

Come on baby
You know there's something missing
Don't find nothing
No more coincidences

Pretty baby
Before you give him all you got
You got to come closer
You got to give it one more shot

Beat's so lonely
I bet she's lonely at the top
So lonely at the top
So lonely

So lonely
So lonely
So lonely
So lonely

So lonely
So lonely
So lonely
So lonely...

She looked down at the rest of the note again and just read in stunned silence.

The man was perceptive beyond what she'd given him credit for.

 ((most of this written my Lance))

Rena woke with a start, eyes blinking against the cold light of the Med Center. God she hated it here. She glanced at the sleeping kitten next to her and slid quietly off the gurney, careful not to wake the girl. A grimace, not of pain, but of disgust, appeared on her features as she looked down at the awful clothing from the church. A sparkley sweater and butterfly covered jeans. She was going to have to shoot anyone who saw her like this.

She only got a few steps before pain overwhelmed her and she went to her knees. A nurse she'd never seen before appeared out of nowhere and knelt before her. Soft voice. 'You took quite a beating.' She'd just grimaced and fought to rise. The nurse put out a hand to help, but she'd apparently been here long enough to know, some people didn't want help, no matter how well intended, and the hand fell back to her side.

She stood. Wobbly on her feet, but upright. "I'm going home." It wasn't a question, merely a statement of fact. The nurse sighed, tone resigned then she disappeared for a moment. When she came back she held two bottles. She pressed them into Rena's hand. 'I shouldn't do this, but you are going to hurt a lot worse very soon. These will help. The body heals faster when it's not fighting pain.' 

Rena's hand closed on the bottle and she gave the woman a grateful look before simply turning and beginning the long, slow, walk home. The woman had been right. By the time she reached her door, the pain was excruciating and nausea threatened to overwhelm her. She managed to get the door open and stumbled in. There was a wine bottle on the table. Open...one glass. She didn't remember pouring it, but she tossed one of the pill bottles on the table and struggled to open the other. Yes, even in Midian there were damned child proof caps. She finally got it open, and managed to get two in her mouth. She tried to set the tiny container down, but it tipped, slipping it's contents across the table as she grabbed for the wine bottle.

She tipped the bottle up and just...chugged. Drunk and drugged. That was the ticket. When the last drop was gone the bottle dropped from her hand and she staggered to the couch. Just sitting caused pain to course through her. The burns were mild, they wouldn't even blister, but her body felt like it was on fire. She felt like she could feel every stitch. Shoulders, abdomen, back, thighs....all cut and bruised. More wounds than she could even remember. She silently prayed for the wine and painkillers to kick in.

Finally she slept, but it was a fitful sleep, filled with dreams of fire and demons, relentless torture, and abuse. Voices accused her, telling her in detail how she was going to spend eternity paying for her sins. She woke screaming, calling out for him, only to wake fully to the realization that she was utterly alone.

Rena sat curled in the chair, a plate with an untouched ham sandwhich sitting beside her on the table. It was happening again. Not eating, not sleeping, wandering the city at all hours looking for what? She knew what. Looking for trouble. Someone to hurt, or if she was lucky, someone strong enough to hurt her.

She closed her eyes and it was if she could see through the wall to the picture on the other side. The image was burned into her brain. Him, looking down at her. She hated it. Hated them both. Her eyes flew open and she shook her head, a wry laugh erupting from her. Masha would so kick her ass for this.

She'd had him in her grasp, had him at her mercy. He'd even told her to do it. Kill him. That's what monsters did. He'd taunted...take what you want, sait your desire. But that wasn't what she wanted. Not like that. Still...she could have done it, should have done. She should have left him at death's door. But she hadn't. She'd squandered the opportunity. Charles was right. She'd let sentimentality and emotion get the better of her once again and she knew she'd pay for it this time.

She closed her eyes again and the picture was still there. She started to rock, anger searing to the surface like hot lava. Her hand shot out and the plate went sailing acoss the room. It smashed into the shared wall and shattered. She looked down at the mess of glass and food on the couch.

"What do you want from me?"

"My choker."

She'd lied, said it was locked away someplace safe, but the truth was, it was right under that picture; Under her couch, gathering dust. She'd told Vasha he could have it back. But now...the memory of his knife at her throat again. The hilt of that same knife impacting her face with bone breaking force. She should have taken that too, the knife, but she'd left it. She started to shake with rage.

She got up slowly and left the apartment, out into the Midian night, barefoot and unarmed. She found herself in the park. Alone. Then it came...tiny, hopping, innocent. She sprang at it, skewering it with her claws before she could even think. She held it, bleating and helpless, fluttering in her hand as her fingers wrapped around it's neck. A tiny snapping sound and the fluttering stopped. She carried it back up to the apartments and carefully slit the little throat. The blood flowed slowly, no beating heart to force it out. She let it flow over one hand and then placed that hand on the wall next to the door. The ritual was repeated with the other hand. She laid the bloody bit of fur down and pulled out the soft bit of chalky rock she'd picked up. Kneeling in front of the door, she began to draw a chalk outline.

When she finished, she retrieved the bunny and carried it to the edge of the roof. She looked down at it as the sun began to rise...she should feel horrified, but she didn't. She flung to body over the edge and into the sea below, then turned and headed back into her apartment.

She stripped on her way to the bathroom, leaving a trail of bloody clothes behind her as she walked. Who knew bunnies had so much blood. The water was turned on and she waited until it was scalding hot before stepping under the spray. She let the water cascade over her, tinged red at first then gradually running clear. She stood until she couldn't stand the heat on her skin anymore then, reached to shut the water off, before sliding down the wall.

She didn't cry, wouldn't cry, not for him.

 

 

Rena's eyes fluttered open and she turned her head to search for the dark head on the pillow next to her. Of course it wasn't there. The bed on that side was rumpled, proof that her lover had been there, but of course that wasn't the face she searched for in her half waking state. She sat up slowly and stretched her arms above her head. Get your feet on the floor, move, breath...people are counting on you.

She slipped out of the bed silently and headed for the bathroom and the handful of aspirin that awaited her there. At least this headache was just stress and lack of sleep, not from a hangover or a beating she'd taken. She closed the medicine cabinet door and peered at her cheek in the mirror. The bruise had faded to nothing now, thank god. She was sick of answering questions about it.

Breakfast, the clock said 5pm, but it was still breakfast for her. She was a night owl, not that you could tell night from day in this place. Midnight's red glow was not that much different from the red glow of noon. Still, everything happened at night and the silence of the streets in the morning made her feel melancholy. Cold cereal and ice cold milk. Eat it fast before the milk got warm and the chocolaty flakes got mushy, leave the remnants for Masha's cat.

She dressed as she always did, with care, the clothing matching her mood. Skirts and tops littered the floor, shoes scattered among them. She searched until she found just the right pair to finish off the outfit. Dressing complete, she just sat on the end of the bed, staring off at nothing as she thought over the cowboy's offer. Was she strong enough for this? It's what she needed to be...stronger...faster...meaner. but then there were Masha and the Priest to consider. It was a different kind of strength, one she was certain she didn't possess.

Plans swirled through her head. The blonde woman, the boy, the gentle, dark haired, but lethal beauty. It was all a game of chess. She was out of her league and she knew it, but she had to play through. The goal, no longer to win, but to end the game and bring home her captured queen. Capture the King. Checkmate. Could she do it?

She rose slowly and strapped on the gun that never left her side now. There were other games to be played while the pawns were being knocked off one by one. She'd distract herself with the Knight and the Rook. The Bishop, she'd leave be. She finally left the apartment, looking for a sister, or trouble...whichever found her first.

Remember when I dove into the crowd
And I got a bloody knee under my skin, a mark from wiping out
It brings back the memories
Every bone's been broken
And my heart is still wide open

With each scar there’s a map that tells a story what a souvenir of Young love's like jumping out
An airplane riding a tidal wave on an ocean of emotion
My heart rips me wide open

And I cover up these scars
(We’ll make it we’ll make it but we break it)
And I can’t stop seeing stars
(lets hope not die)
Whenever you’re around
Around

I can’t stop
Don’t care if I lose
Baby you are the weapon I choose
These wounds are self inflicted
I’m going down in flames for you
oohhh you are the weapon I choose
These wounds are self inflicted
One more thing I’m addicted to

I can’t stop no I can’t stop
no I can't stop
I’m going out in flames
I’m going down in flames
Baby you are the weapon I choose

She sat in the window seat of the small apartment, her mind racing. She couldn't quiet it, no matter what she did. She wasn't born to lead, she was a loner by nature. She knew that, but here she was. Leading. She suddenly understood that deep need Oceania had seemed to have to keep them all safe. She understood it and knew it wasn't possible. The best she could do was keep them together and keep them watching each other's backs.

She turned the collar over in her hands, Ixion's words searing through her brain. 'He didn't know you.' Aravasha's biting question...'who are you trying to hold onto with that thing?' And Masha, sweet Masha, hammering Vasha with questions about why she stayed with Damian, how she could love a man like him. She'd asked Rena the same questions time and again until she'd decided he was redeemable in her eyes. But then, they'd hidden a lot from Masha.

Doubt swirled in her mind like dark clouds. What if it had just been another delusion in her life? Another thing she counted as real that wasn't. She shook her head to free her mind of the dark thoughts that threatened to overwhelm her. She wouldn't do this. It had been real, all of it. As real as she was capable of... The collar suddenly sailed across the room and impacted the far wall with a small thud before sliding down behind the couch. She truly cursed the day she'd first laid eyes on the damnable thing and doubly cursed it's wearer. She wasn't trying to hold onto him. The only thing she wanted from the man was respect. Acknowledgment that she had, at least, learned to play the game well, even if she wasn't his equal on the board....yet.

She slid out of the seat and stood up, reaching for the gun that lay on the table. She didn't have time for this kind of weakness, even momentary. It wasn't over yet. He had the upper hand...for now...but she had friends. It was time to bring them into play if she could. She knew Vasha and the boy were his weak spots. She needed recon.

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

Fugazi Smalls: "Of Course. If you have questions now is the time Rena. Did you recieve the note?"

Rena Mayne stared at the circle for a long moment. "If something comes, we have to kill it, right?" she looked at Fu, in her mind, praying nothing came.

Fugazi Smalls: "Kill, or banish, as the case may be. You will be particularly vulnerable to something we summon, as your blood is part of the ritual." She murmured "Let us hope it does not come to that"

Rena Mayne nodded. "I read the note." she didn't like the blood part, but at this point was willing to do anything.

Fugazi Smalls: "You can stop this at any time up to a certain point dear. But beyond that we are committed"

Rena Mayne nodded. "I am committed." she needed to BE committed.

Fugazi Smalls: indicating the circle within the triangle "If anything does appear, it will be bound within that symbol. So long as it isn't released we should be safe. Did you bring the object?"

Rena Mayne nodded. "Inside the circle. Got it...don't let it out and we are fine." she was still praying to a god she said she didn't believe in that nothing come out of that circle.

Lisa Feng reaches into a small pocket in the dress,removing the rosary in sliding it over her neck, she had the ethic of 'better-safe-then-sorry'

Rena Mayne looked at Fu solemnly. "I am as ready as I'm going to get, shall I call the others?"

Fugazi Smalls: I need to take a moment to prepare, but they should come inside and get comfortable. Once the ritual begins nobody touches the symbols except you and I"

Rena Mayne nodded and moved to the door to call the others. She opened and motioned to them to come in.

Markko Ondricek howls again but thsi time it wasn't a howl for calling death upon these wretches but in pain as he strikes the creature infront of him as the man in the dress collides into her, his arm glancing off her upper torso and shoulder, connecting with something putting a searing burn through his arm, a reaction much different than the stab, he looked to her in and at the sight of the holy symbol his eyes went into pure horror and then roared in anger the same roar to cause fear and freeze one in their place, "I will devour all of you! he screamed and turned toward the woman to his left...she wanted hell and she would have it.

Solrana Zagato narrows her eyes at Nerio as he touches his neck, notcing the missing scar for the first time. She looks down at her arm,before moving her hand away to examine the blood scabbing over it.

Xulltana Lowell: ok Rena really needs to hoof it here
Xulltana Lowell: he might lose intrest

Solrana Zagato shifts from foot to foot, looking agitated.

Xulltana Lowell: he may or may not be nerio...but seeing his face and lookings like that is really messing with me head ya know

Kale Goldlust chuckles "seeing as we met in a church...." she'd watch Nerio pitying and empathizing with him. "it must be hard....coming back like this..all for one woman...."

Rena Mayne looked at the door, then O...."Oh god....I can't."

Xulltana Lowell looks up and looks at the door hearing a voice

Oceania Goodliffe puts an arm around her "come on hun you can i am here with you"

Nerio Yoshikawa just sits there looking at her not sure what to do with her anymore. He sighs and runs his hand along her side in a caress.

Rena Mayne purred softly in her sleep at his touch.

Nerio Yoshikawa sighs and caresses her shoulder, watching her with a confused expression on his face. What was he thinking? How could she love him? He started to beat himself up in his head. He knew what she wanted. Men to abuse her and that's what she wanted from him too and now he was becoming some love struck idiot. She was probably Damian's toy and he was fucking things up cause of that. He would just have to step back and let Damian have his toy then. There was no way, he thought, that she could ever love a man like him. His father always being there before him made his stomach sickened. He would never have anyone for himself.

Rena Mayne lay on the cot, curled up like a child. Her raven hair, now matted with blood, hung limply about her face. As the morphine took effect, she began to sleep normally as her body no longer needed to fight the pain. She stirred, mewing softly and calling out in her sleep. "Nerio..."

Nerio Yoshikawa tilted his head to the side showing just his profile, "Wha?"

Rena Mayne stirred at the sound of his voice, still definitely asleep. She murmured his name again.

Nerio Yoshikawa looks back at her and sees that she's actually still sleeping. He looks back ahead of himself wondering why the hell she'd be saying his name in her sleep. He shook his head trying to figure out what to do with his life.

Rena Mayne began to purr softly as the morphine sped through her system. The pain nearly gone now, her eyes fluttered open and she found herself starting at his muscled back. This time her voice was louder, clearer, and questioning. "Nerio?"

Nerio Yoshikawa tilted his head again looking back at her thinking she was asleep still. Seeing her eyes open he looks back ahead, "Wha?"

Rena slurred slightly as she spoke, her voice small and nearly childlike. "Is it over?"

Nerio Yoshikawa: "For now" *he says flatly without looking back at her. He couldn't look at her yet. Her voice enough confusing his muddled mind as it was*

Rena Mayne shifted in on the cot and nearly sobbed as she realized she was still clothed. Her mind was fuzzy now but she was almost certain no one had raped her. Her tone was incredulous. "He .... he didn't touch me?" Her mind was a litte to muddled to take in what he'd really done.

Nerio Yoshikawa looked down at the ground hearing her. He didn't know what he did to her other than the obvious ears being missing, "I..dunno"

Rena Mayne pulled herself up to a sitting position and forced herself to focus through the morphine haze. She stared at his back, her emotions, usually held tightly in check, ran rampant under the influence. Her hatered for Damian burned more intensely than it had since the first time he put his hands on her and as she stared at Nerio's slumped back, she couldn't help but wonder if he was in as much emotional termoil as she was. She knew she should hate him too...but somehow, she couldn't.

Nerio Yoshikawa hears her moving behind him and tilted his head to the side, "Spose it's time ta send ya back home." He stands up slowly putting his work aside for now and grabbing his shirt and vest and throwing them on.

Rena Mayne moved her hands over her body gingerly. Clothing still intact, no obvious wounds, until she found the bloody bite on her back. Her fingers moved over her face gingerly, praying he hadn't cut it, encountering her bloody hair, her fingers move through it until they find the spots where the ears should have been. She stared up at him and began to whimper. The sound increasing to a childlike wail as it all flooded back into her mind.

Nerio Yoshikawa cringed at the sound of her wailing and sighed as he sat back down, "Guess not" *he clenched his jaw trying to not let her crying hurt his heart wishing he could just shut down completely as his whole body trembled in agony*

The wail subsided eventually, only to be replace by shuddering sobs. Fury would follow soon, but right now there was only pain. She gradually worked to calm herself and the sobs calmed to the occasional hiccup as she watched him, and she wiped her nose on her shirt hem in a distinctly unladylike manner.

Nerio Yoshikawa bent his head down and put his hands over his ears as he propped his elbows on his thighs not wanting to let the cries get to him. He never had a problem hearing cries. His own mother crying couldn't even bother him much. He didn't understand at all. How could he care for someone that liked his father more anyway?

Her voice finally came from behind him, quiet and small. "He took my ears..."

Nerio Yoshikawa just nodded.

Rena Mayne whispered softly. "But he didn't take anything else..."

Nerio Yoshikawa shrugs, "I dunno wha he did ta ya. I din stay 'n watch."

"He didn't take anything else." Her words are a statement, not a question.

Nerio Yoshikawa: "Aight."

Rena Mayne blinked, working to focus through the morphine haze. "Is my debt to your family paid now? Is my family safe?"

Nerio Yoshikawa: "Ya would 'ave ta ask Damian. This was his show not mine."

Rena Mayne shuddered. "I hope I never see him again as long as I live."

Nerio Yoshikawa scoffs at that.

Rena Mayne narrowed her eyes. "You don't believe me?? Why would I ever...." her tone is incredulous.

Nerio Yoshikawa: "Ya like them bad, Rena..ya like when a man controls ya 'n takes wha he wants. Ya told me tha yerself. He's the best at it..why wouldn't ya?"

"If I want him sooooo bad, then why did I fucking shoot him?" her words tumble over one and other, almost like she can't stop herself.
 
Nerio Yoshikawa shrugs, "Probably the same reason Jackson 'n Marina beat the shit outta each other 'n shoot each other...some sick twisted game ya two play."

"You think I am like Marina?"

Nerio Yoshikawa shrugs, "I dunno wha yer like anymore. I seen too much shit ta know anymore how ya women think. Ya told me yerself ya liked shit like tha...how'm I spose ta know?"

"Well I'm not like her...I can't even fight, I never shot anyone before in my life. I said I liked sex rough, not that I like bloodsports!"

Nerio Yoshikawa shrugs, "Dunno why we're even 'avin this conversation. Not like it matters is it? Who cares wha I think?"

Rena Mayne pulled up short at that. Who cared? Did she care? she didn't want to care... "I do..." The words fall out and if he were looking at her she'd loook a little shocked.

Nerio Yoshikawa wasn't looking at her as he just stared ahead. He was a little taken back from her saying that though. He just sat there for a moment and pulled out one of his cigars and lit it. He didn't know why she'd care or why it'd matter to him, "Why?"

Rena Mayne stared at his back, him not looking at her, the drugs, it all made it easier to say what she never wanted to say to anyone, ever. "I care what you think cause I love you. I know you don't want it and you don't love me but I can't help it. I hate your father and probably always will but I love you. You aren't him." She slid her feet to the floor and tried to stand, a bit wobbly at first but upright at least.

Nerio Yoshikawa was speechless sitting there staring ahead still. He wondered if the trauma of the evening was just fucking with his head as he looked at the glass in front of him like he were in another world, "Wha? Wha did ya say?"

Rena Mayne nearly screamed it out, the drugs making her feel a little wild and somehow ... free. "I love you, you big dumb idiot of a male!" She'd watched him through all of this, seen the torment. Seen him try and shut himself down. She knew what he was doing, she did it herself. "Shut yourself off, don't feel anything, then no one can hurt you. Well...you hurt me by bringing me here. If I didn't care, it wouldn't have hurt. And it hurt you too, I saw...deny it all you want but I saw it. And you're gonna say you don't love me and you don't care but you feel something or you'd have chucked me out of here by now." she stood panting, waiting for him to berate her, or worse. Laugh. Either way, she'd said what she wanted to say and she was through now.

Nerio Yoshikawa looked behind him to her with a shocked look on his face then looked back at the glass. Must be the morphine making her high and saying crazy shit he thought to himself then shook his head at the idiocy of that. He didn't know how to respond to that. She was right, he was trying to shut down and nearly had and would have completely if she didn't just have her outburst. He sat there stunned then stood up and turned around to look at her, "Big dumb idiot male?" *He took a deep breath rerunning the rest of what she said in his head. The words so foreign to him, no woman ever really said those words to him like that. The ones that had had said them just to get to him. He could tell these weren't words of desperation. She had nothing to gain here, or did she. No, it had to be true. Cause he felt the same, "I..." *he stuttered a bit trying to say those words that made him feel so weak* "I.. love ya too"

Rena Mayne blinked slowly. It was the last thing she'd expected to hear him say. After everything that had happened and what she'd done to him. "You... You do?" She sat down on the floor with an unladylike thud. "Jesus Christ Nerio, what do we do now?"

Nerio Yoshikawa nods slowly, "Wha do ya think I was tryin ta get at before? Ya think all tha was to look cool?" *He went over to her and crouched down next to her with a shake to the head of indecisiveness* "I dunno"

Rena Mayne blinked up at him, wanting nothing more than to crawl into his arms and stay there. "How did this happen?" she smirked at him, she did feel a little loopy, "I thought we were smarter than this?"

Nerio Yoshikawa frowned and shook his head, "I dunno.." *he tried to smile to her but it just wouldn't come to him* "Somehow...ya entranced me the first time I saw ya. Why ya think I stop when ya step inta a room. Yer the only woman I do tha for. Ya know tha? I've felt this way a long time just never told ya"

Rena Mayne nodded, sobbering a bit. "Why do you think I keep coming into rooms you are in?"

Nerio Yoshikawa couldn't help but smile to that and shrugged, "My witty barbaric personality? Ya like big dumb men?"

Rena Mayne chuckled softly. "That and your rugged good looks. And no...I like you."

Nerio Yoshikawa: "If ya think cavemen look good I guess"

Rena Mayne titled her head. "I did like the short hair, but this..." she reached up and tentatively flicked her fingers through it. "This gives you something to hang on to."

Nerio Yoshikawa grinned broadly at her, "I never liked my hair short. I was goin through a thing back then though. I don't think I'll be cuttin it again" *he smiled to her fingers flicking through his hair* "we still got the...wha do we do now question. Yer friends are gonna hate me more now. We're probably never gonna be able ta be seen t'gether again"

Rena Mayne nodded. "Well, if we don't get me out of here soon, my pack is could storm the pool hall at any second."

Nerio Yoshikawa nods and stands up, "They're gonna do tha as soon as they get a look at ya anyway most likely..." *he sighs and puts his hand out to her*

Rena Mayne shook her head. "I'm the negotiator. I'll ... lie."

Nerio Yoshikawa raises a brow, "They'll believe ya?"

Rena Mayne smiled up at him, "Would this face lie?"

Nerio Yoshikawa hmmms, "I sure hope yer not lyin ta me.."

Rena Mayne stepped forward, her face turned to his. She placed her hand on his chest where his heart would be. Reaching for his hand hand with her other she placed it over her heart. "Am I?"
 
Nerio Yoshikawa let her take his hand and he smiled feeling her hand on his chest and sighed, "No..yer not. I should let ya outta 'ere then 'fore they come with pitchforks."

"Romeo...so ironic. Do you remember?"

Nerio Yoshikawa nods as he looks down with an amused expression, "Yah...Juliet. Lets hope we don't end up like them, though."

Rena woke with a start and reached for him, her hand encountering nothing but pillows empty bedclothes. She murmured his name before reality seared through her mind. Just a dream...a memory. He wasn't there. Might never be again. She rose, dressing in the dark before heading out into the night. Back to the chuch and a god she knew didn't want her.

Rena stared at the little book on the table before her.  It was more than journal, it was friend, confidant, the one she confessed all too. It never judged, or offered advice, never tired to fix her problems, it just took in her deepest thoughts and darkest secrets and held them for her. Sleep. She'd been told to sleep. As if that was possible. Smoke from the fire hung in the air and she could see the eirie glow lighting the windows even now. There would be no sleeping tonight. Probably not for days. She huddled in the chair, her knees drawn up under her, hair in a lose ponytail, wearing a tee shirt and shorts she'd pulled from the trunk. Bent over the little book, scribbling madly, she looked like a teenager confessing her latest crush to her diary. Unless you saw the eyes. Violet eyes full of pain, fear, sorrow...

After Oceania had left her, she'd headed straight for the shower. She'd scrubbed til she was nearly raw to free herself of the soot and ash, the smell of smoke and charred flesh. Alone, with no one to witness, she collapsed, slidding down the wall of the shower, finally submitting to the overwhelming fear that had threatened to consume her all night. Images flashed through her mind as she sobbed, the kiss on the steps of the TZ. "I'll be right back." Watching him walk away from her. Watching because she loved to watch him. Loved the way he moved. Some found him cold, brutal, uncouth...but to her he had the grace of a predator. Watching him stride through those doors like he always did, her foot beginning to tap impatiently almost before he was out of sight.

Images of the explosion seared through her mind. The shattering glass, the flames erupting from the building. She'd been running before her mind registered what had happened. Standing in front of the hall, now an inferno. Voices. No one could get out of that alive. She'd seen him go in. Voices. Maybe he was in the bunker. But she knew better, there hadn't been time. Voices. Mocking. Derisive. Laughter. Her rage rising with her fear. Voices. Her name called. Masha? Oceania. Moving forward...but hands held her back. A familair hand brushing her shoulder. The lies they couldn't tell convincingly. He'll come out. He's not in there. He's in the bunker. The phone, dialing over and over and going to voicemail. The lies coming from her. He's not there, he's safe, he's just not answering, he got distracted...he'd come back if he knew what had happened...

But she knew he was in there. She'd seen him go in. Seen the explosion. But she hadn't felt him. He'd died before and she'd felt it, like part of her being ripped away. She hadn't felt that this time. But then, she hadn't been standing next to him when he... She couldn't even think it. Her mind wasn't ready to except that he was gone. She clung to the lies. She had looked away. He'd walked out and she hadn't seen....But he hadn't. She hadn't looked away. She knew she was clinging to a fragile spec of hope that somehow, he'd gotten out. If he had, she knew he'd find her. He always found her. And if he didn't, she'd find him.

She thought of Romeo and Juliet. Dieing, both thinking the other dead. No, she wouldn't do that, wouldn't make that mistake. Besides, there was Kendra to think of now. Niyol had a mother to take care of him, but Kendra... She shook her head. No, she wouldn't think like this. He'd be there to take care of them both.

She was strangely calm as she wrote, but the words were not her usual neat script. The page was covered in an uneven scrawl. Suddenly, she slammed it shut and rose, hiding it away quickly before grabbing her clothes and pulling them back on despite the smell. She left the building, silent, unseen, and headed for the church. This time, instead of blowing all of the candles out, she'd light every one of them. She knew god wouldn't answer and wouldn't care if he heard, but she went anyway, drawn like a moth to the flame. There would be no sleeping tonight.